All bad

Yesterday was so not a good day.Today however I have had an epiphany. I think I may be lactose-intolerant. I realized I have a glass of milk every day and every day I am gassy and not to be all graphic I do end up in the bathroom a lot. On weekends, I DON'T have a glass of milk for breakfast and I'm not gassy! Why on earth has it taken me this long to figure this out?? Oh well, at least now I know. I'll cut my milk out and we'll see how my body reacts. I should be a doctor. Ha. Not.

So yesterday I had my milk protein thing, and then I had a small bowl of my leftover pad thai for lunch. And then another small bowl around 3. I thought about only writing about one of those bowls of pad thai but I know that this is supposed to be all truth and the truth is I'm a damn pig. I'm so disgusted with myself. Oh, let me continue before you tell me to not be so hard on myself. After work I went home and hung out with the wife. I had some sunflower seeds. We smoked. I tried so hard to fight off the munchies. I ended up making a grilled cheese samich. (hey, I hadn't figured out the lactose thing yet so gimmie a break here) It was delicious. Of course, when you're high everything is delicious. Then we watched tv. And decided to go to Burger King. Ugh. I got a cheeseburger, a medium fry, a large soda (that I didn't even half finish), a slice of pie AND a chocolate milkshake (which I did not finish). So I spent money I didn't have and ate food I shouldn't have eaten until I was uncomfortably full and of course I didn't do any kind of exercise at all yesterday. On the bright side the trip to Burger King was HYSTERICAL! We laughed so hard we were crying. It was good times.

On top of everything else, my ex was texting me last night. Asking to come over for some good good lovin. I want it. I want it bad...here's the problem. he's my ex. Who I am still madly in love with. And also the last guy that gave me some lovin left some extra ugly bruises on my assets if you know what I mean and I don't really want the love of my life to see those bruises. This ex of mine....

I had a mini meltdown this morning. I dreamt about this damn man all night long and when I woke up I missed him so badly. I started crying and didn't stop until I was dressed. And yes, I showered this morning. So that's a lot of crying. Somehow I managed to get some make up on my face and headed to work, with a cup of milk in my hand. Then I had my little epiphany and drank my milk anyway. Now I'm at work, being productive as you can tell from the fact that I'm posting this and I'm still clinging to the thought of my ex and deciding how I should tell him that I just can't have him in my life right now if he's not going to be with me. It's just too much to see him and talk to him and know that I can't be with him and it's only because he is a dumbass. I seriously hate this stupid break up thing. We were together for....our 2 year anniversary would be this month actually. He left me May 16th. I've been a wreck ever since. I just want to be normal again. I want to feel happy again. I know we weren;t together for a super long time but it was an intense, deep love. I thought he was the one. I thought we would be together forever. Now I'm alone and fat and I won't do what I need to do in order to lose weight and be happy with myself. I really need to get off my fucking ass and do what needs to be done. I just can't live like this any longer.