There was a fit girl. Not too skinny, not overweight. Just right. She could wear cute things, follow along in the new fashion trends (if she were so inclined), do active things like hiking and rock climbing without fear of looking like I shouldn't be there.
That was in the before time.
Today is the present. Today is 5 years after high school. Today I am overweight and unhappy. I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I feel. I love shopping....but hate trying things on and finding out the things I love don't fit or don't look right on me or just aren't made for bigger women. I hate those stupid trendy stores in the mall that only serve to sizes 12 and under (if they even go that high). I hate the cute trends that I just can't participate in because I am simply too big for it to be flattering in any way (leggings as pants? Not with these cottage cheese thighs. Bangles? Not on my fat wrists.).
I want to be truly happy with myself. I love my personality and sometimes I even like the way I look. More often then not however, I hate my body. I have weird scars from when I was a baby that make my sides lumpier than they should be. My stomach is HUGE. My legs are thick, and not in a cute dancer kind of way. My arms are so jiggly it makes me sick to look at sometimes. Let's not even get started on the amount of stretch marks I've "grown" since my high school days and this double chin has got to go! Being happy with myself means other things have to change too. I need to pay off my credit card, move into a bigger space, save money, get health insurance, do something with my massive collection of shoes...
Why am I going on and on about the things I hate? I want to make it better. I want to love who I am all the way through. From my head down to my toes. I need to get my life in order and I want to do it right. I want to help others that feel the same way, or even just similar, if I can. That is why I decided to blog through it. Maybe it will help me feel more responsible to myself or something. Maybe it will be a good outlet for me to let off steam when things don't go my way. We all know that things are going to go wrong. Not because I am dooming myself, because it's life and things go wrong and it's a diet, and we all fall off the bandwagon from time to time.
Actually, let me clarify. I'll be calling it a diet and yes the name of this dandy blog is The Real Life Diet, but it's not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. It is me making better choices every day because I need to. In order for me to actually be happy with myself, I have to do this.
This is real. I am a real person documenting the real trials and tribulations of getting on track with being healthy. I need to know it can be done and the only way for me to do that is to DO IT. I know it can be done because others do it all the time. There are many inspirational bloggers out there going through the struggle right now, or have been through it and continue to live healthy fulfilling lives. That's not enough for me though. Inspiration is great but it's just not enough to keep me going. I've been needing this for so long and I know all of the things I need to do, I just don't.
My plan is to exercise daily at least a little bit. Eat healthier foods every day. Be honest with you about what I'm up to. This is going to be real. I am not going to leave out anything. This is going to be hard for me. I love chocolate. I need it in my every day life...but I can't have it like I want it. I don't like to get up in the mornings but I need to because it really is the only time I have open to go to the gym.
How about I stop rambling and get down to business?
Today, I had a banana on my way out the door. I woke up at 8:19. I'm supposed to leave the house at 8:10. I took the time to brush my teeth, put on jeans, leopard flats and a cute hoodie and ran out the door with a banana in my purse. I'm lucky I have a bra on to be honest. For lunch I had a piece of garlic chicken pizza from Bellagio's pizza that my boss offered up and I gladly took advantage of since I a) didn't have time to find proper lunch to bring to work with me and b) I am super broke and cannot afford to go by something to eat. Although, that hasn't stopped me before...
No exercise yet because as I said I woke up late...as is normal for me. My friends and I are going to be signing up for a yoga class that will happen every Monday at 7:15.
My worries are:
I want to fit exercise into my life and still feel like I have plenty of social time
I want to eat healthier without feeling like I'm really missing out on something
I'm afraid I will feel like I'm not getting enough chocolate in my life
I'm scared of feeling like I'm boring
I need to focus on:
Knowing I will make it through this
Knowing I will be happier on the other side
Who cares what other people think as long as I'm happy
Eating healthier
EXERCISING!!!
Wish me luck....it begins NOW.
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I am fifty years old and well overweight. In the past three years my life and that of my family has been torn apart. After being made redundant and feeling useless, failing in a small business venture and then finally having to sell our home and go into rented accommodation the world has become a dark and lonely place to be. Tomorrow is my 25th wedding anniversary and some how my wife and I have stayed together, thank god!, but I am so tied and I cant find the energy to do anything about my weight. I have re-trained as a driving instructor and my wife holds down a very pressurized job which keeps us all going to be truthful. She too, for the first time in her life, is putting on a great deal of weight and I want to save us both by showing the way and changing my ways by becoming fit again and able to lead. Well done for making the decision to change your life. I only hope I have the courage to do this.
ReplyDeleteHey there anon. I know I don't post very often so thank you for reading in spite of that and thank you even more for posting a comment. I want to tell you that you do have the courage to do this. Even though my thoughts aren't always very positive here, I am getting better and my thinking has changed dramatically. It's all about positive thinking. You should check out the book The Secret, and others that go with it. Honestly they have changed the way I think and act and most importantly feel. Good luck on your journey!! Let me know if I can help in any way and keep reading because inspiration is coming! :)
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